A Sweet Deal
by arandomshipper
Summary: Stickybeard has a...proposal for Numbuh Five. It's a pretty sweet deal.


Disclaimer: I'm not an owner, I'm just a random shipper.

 **A Sweet Deal**

Numbuh Five dropped silently into place behind Stickybeard. "I'm here, Sticky. Whadya want?"

"Thank ye for coming, Numbuh Five." Stickybeard answered without turning around. "I'm sure ye've confirmed that I brought no one with me, or ye wouldn't have shown yerself, professional as ye aaaare."

"Yeah, I done. Wasn't expecting ya ta keep your word on that. Ya got Numbuh Five all curious, now."

"And ye? Any other operatives listenin' in on us?"

"Nah. Numbuh Five ain't scared of you. I came alone."

"Good. Now. The reason I called ye here." Stickybeard steadied himself with a deep breath.

"T' other day, I found me a great stash o' hidden treasure left by one Sweet Tooth Needles, the largest and most succulent plunder I've ever seen in all my many days of pirating, save me own. I was sooooo happy...for a few seconds. Then I just felt depressed. I gave it all to me crew. I didn't keep one solitary snickers bar."

"No..."

"'Tis true, Numbuh Five. I've lost me taste for candy. But it be worse than that. In that moment, I realised I'd rather give the candy to someone important to me and see their happiness than eat it meself...but I've got no one important to me. No wife, no kids, no brothers or sisters, me parents be long dead, no close friends. Me crew is just me crew, a business relationship. Stickybeard be alone in the world. Me days of pirating have left me with...nothing."

"Oh, Sticky." Numbuh Five was filled with sympathy for her long time nemesis. She wouldn't wish that fate on anyone, even her worst enemy. Which, she supposed, he was.

"It be time for me to settle down, but I be too old and set in my ways to find someone special. 'Sides, there not be many like Ole' Stickybeard in the world. Adventurers be rare in any time, but most especially today. I couldn't settle for an ordinary lass."

He finally turned and faced her. She was taken aback by his appearance. He'd cleaned up. The moniker 'Stickybeard' would no longer be accurate. Gone was his pirate garb, and in its place was a snappy suit.

"So I got to thinkin'. Who in all the world is like me? Who could match me stride for stride on a treasure hunt? Who has the ability to consume as much of the monster as I? Who else frequently refers to themself in the third person? Nobody, save one. Numbuh Five. Abigail Lincoln. You."

Abby was shocked into silence. When she got the request to meet from him, she had not an inkling that this might be where it was going. It wasn't even in the realm of possibilities that she was aware of.

"So this be me proposal. Share me stash, the greatest stash of candy in the world today. Share me adventures and treasure hunts. Share me life. Be my wife."

Abby laughed in disbelief. "Abby be all flattered an' everythin', Sticky, but aren't you a little old for me?"

Stickybeard's eyes shone. "Ah, but ye be askin' the wrong question. The question is, aren't _YE_ a little old for _ME_?"

He reached into his coat pocket. Abby's eyes widened as he pulled out a familiar cigar. "Now, Sticky. Don't be doin' nothin' stupid..."

She flinched as he pointed it at her, but he did not fire. Instead, he gave her a beautific smile...and turned it on himself.

"No!" She shouted futilely. There was a flash of light. Moving faster than she ever had in her life, she dived with everything she had, just barely catching the newly formed baby before it hit the ground.

"You stupid, crazy, insane, moronic-" She scolded him, but Baby Stickybeard just gurgled happily down at her and spit all over her face.

As she wiped her face off with one hand, her other brushed a piece of paper. She picked it up and read.

 _Ahoy there, Abby. The cigar was set to self destruct after I've used it, and it was the last one in existence, so ye've no way of changin' me back. I've just explained to ye how I've no one in me life to take care o' Baby Stickybeard. I know ye're too softhearted to pass me off to some random person to raise, so I figger I've got the next eighteen years or so to make ye fall in love with me. I do apologize fer pullin' a fast one on ye, but I was desperate, I was. The map on the back of this note to me stash should make ye feel a little better, I hope._

 _P.S._

 _I hear the smell of a baby's poop is greatly affected by what it eats, sooooo...good luck with that._

Abby laughed long and hard. "If you think Numbuh Five gonna change yo' diapers, you are out cho ever lovin', sugar-soaked, sun-addled mind."

She held him up and looked him over critically. "You do make a cute baby, though..."


End file.
